When Somebody Loved Me
by blackacess
Summary: Severus Snape reminisces over a glass of Firewhisky. One-shot. Complete. Please R& R.


**Title:** When Somebody Loved Me

**Author:** Black Aces

**Rating:** T/ PG

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended, so don't kill me.**

Summary: Snape reminisces over a glass of firewhisky.

Many thanks to my beta Maggie for picking out my abysmal grammar.

_When Somebody Loved Me – Sarah McLachlan_

_crack _

_crack_

_sizzle_

_sizzle_

The fire in the hearth cracked away merrily, burning a bright red orange.

Books lined every shelf in the three walls surrounding the fireplace, whilst the one opposite to it had an enormous window showing the dark night sky with shining stars.

A lone figure sat in an armchair facing the fire, holding a glass of Firewhisky.

Soft music started to waft around the room from what looked liked a Muggle hi-fi entertainment system, which he had deemed as the 'damn Muggle music contraption' (a gift from Albus Dumbledore). It had been charmed magically to play whatever song suitable to the listener at that particular moment.

A soft haunting voice began to sing:

_When somebody loved me,_

_Everything was beautiful,_

_Every hour we've spent together,_

_Lives within my heart._

The images in his mind flashed through.

She was in her 6th year at Hogwarts. The Golden Trio had just been inducted into the Order of Phoenix the previous summer, because Dumbledore thought it would be better if they started their preparation and training earlier since Voldemort was escalating the number of attacks on Muggle-borns.

Dumbledore had assigned her to work with him on developing a potion that would reduce the effects of the Cruciatus Curse, because she had a special talent for potion making – added to the fact that she was the cleverest witch to grace Hogwarts in many years and a member of the Order.

During the first few months that they had been working together, it was quite awkward at first. They had argued about nearly everything (from potion theories to who should be using the bathroom after a potion explosion), both being insanely stubborn that their point of view was the right one.

But after a while, he came to realize that she no longer felt the need to show off her intelligence by waving her hand in that annoying, overly enthusiastic manner of her previous years. Her questions, though still laced with that damn Gryffindor curiosity, were a welcome academic stimulation, compared to the abysmal ranting in Potions essays from the rest of the dunderhead population.

She, on the other hand, saw that the greasy git, snarky bastard of a Potions Master had gradually treated her as someone amounting to an equal and not as a silly little girl, or the insufferable Gryffindor Know-It-All Granger. She admired him for his intellect, and his bravery (although he'd probably sneer at anyone who said that to him). He was a spy who risked his life to save others countless times whilst the Wizarding World treated him like scum.

"She's probably the only one in the whole castle that I could hold a conversation with, without feeling the need to insult her lack of intelligence," he mused.

They had been working for months and months on a potion, which they hoped would reduce the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. Finally, after slaving away for so long, they held their breath, waiting to see if the potion would work on the test rats.

He pointed his wand at the rat and said, "_Crucio!_"

He did again.

After about seven times, he lowered his wand. The curse seemed to have no (or if any, very minute) effect on the rat – the rat was so oblivious that it didn't stop from running on the wheel inside its cage. They looked at each other and then at the rat, then back at each other again.

Her face then broke into the brightest smile he'd seen in a long time. So happy was she that she'd starting jumping around like a rabbit. She then noticed that the corners of his mouth tilted up ever so slightly into what could have been a smile. Jumping back to stand in front of him, he was quite surprised when she wrapped her arms around his waist tightly and sighed in contentment. It was awhile before he had hesitantly put his strong arms around her. Lost in the moment, they just stood there holding each other.

However, the moment was soon ruined by the popping in of Albus Dumbledore.

-sssss-sssss-

The following Christmas, she came to his office on Christmas Eve – a few minutes before midnight. He, feeling the uncharacteristic need to be nice on this day of the year, had invited her into the living room of his quarters where the fire was burning brightly. It was warmer there compared to his office, after all. Rarely did he buy any gifts for anyone other than Albus and Minerva, but this year for reasons unknown even to himself, he had taken time to find a present for her.

They had sat down in front of the fire.

Each waited for the other to speak first.

He cleared his throat and asked, "Would you like something to drink, Miss Granger? Some pumpkin juice perhaps?"

"Yes, please."

The glass of pumpkin juice was delivered by a house elf. He thought that she had come no doubt to ask him endless questions regarding the holiday homework he had assigned before the Christmas break and therefore was quite surprised when she took something out of the pocket of her robes and placed it on the carpet. She pointed her wand at the object and muttered an enlargement charm.

"Miss Granger, what are you doing?"

"Professor, there's something I'd like to give you."

She handed him the gaily wrapped object and watched as he slowly unwrapped it. She had given him a silver and green feather quill and some elegant parchment paper, as well as a miniature potions set, complete with a tiny metal cauldron.

"Miss Granger, I cannot accept this." Her face fell.

"But, Professor…"

He interrupted her, "Miss Granger, it is _entirely_ too inappropriate for me to accept this."

"I also gave Professor McGonagall a Christmas present. I really want you to have this. Please? Think of it as a thank you gift for allowing me to work on that potion."

Severus looked at Hermione closely. He sighed. "Alright. Only this time. And thank you, Miss Granger."

He stood up and went to his study to find her gift.

As he gave her the gift, he watched her face intently for any emotions. She tentatively peeled off the wrapping and gasped in awe and shock when she saw the title of the book he'd given her. The newest edition of _Most Potente Potions_.

"I've wanted to buy this for quite some time," she murmured as she ran her fingers lovingly over the cover of the book. He was delighted inwardly that she had liked his gift very much.

Just then, a bell started to ring. It was midnight.

Ding.

Ding.

"Thank you for giving me this book, Professor Snape."

Ding.

Ding.

"You're welcome, Miss Granger."

Ding.

Ding.

"I'm going to read it cover-to-cover," she said with enthusiasm.

Ding.

Ding.

"I'm sure you will. After all, why would the renowned Know-It-All pass up the chance to know all?" He smirked.

Ding.

Ding.

"Merry Christmas, Professor Snape."

Ding.

Ding.

And when the bell chimed the 12th time, she leaned forward and lightly brushed her lips across his cheek, then escaped from the dungeons with her gift to look for Harry and Ron. Slightly flushed from her innocent peck, he murmured, "Merry Christmas to you too, Miss Granger."

_And when she was sad,  
I was there to dry her tears,  
And when she was happy so was I,  
When she loved me._

He had known it would come to this.

One of the Golden Trio's families would be attacked sooner or later.

Extensive wards had already been placed on Hermione's house. But it wasn't enough…

The Grangers had decided to take a vacation at their waterfront summerhouse at the last minute.

The attack came during the summer holiday following her sixth year. He didn't have time to warn Dumbledore or her. The Mark had started to burn suddenly during a staff meeting, nearly causing him to gasp out in pain. He shot out of his seat and went to his room to get his Deatheater garb. Albus knew where he would be going.

The Dark Lord was most displeased with him for still not having obtained anything useful from the old fool or finding a way to bring the Potter boy to him. _What a way to earn yourself a bout of Cruciatus._ But just before Voldemort raised his wand to cast the Unforgivable, Lucius Malfoy stepped forward.

He went up to kiss the hem of the old snake's robes.

"There is a suggestion that I'd like to make, my Lord," Lucius said, all the while keeping an eye on Snape for his reaction.

"What is it, Lucius?" he hissed.

"The Mudblood Granger and her family decided to visit their summerhouse. This is an excellent time to rid ourselves of such filth in the wizarding world," Lucius smirked, not oblivious to the fact that Snape has unconsciously tensed when he had mentioned Hermione.

_No_, he thought, _I can't let Lucius and especially not the old snake get to her. I can't let anything happen to her._ He thought of the times they had worked on the potion, silently working side by side and arguing over equations or even the silly things like teeth brushing that the insufferable know-it-all occasionally brought up just to annoy him. He felt an uncustomary pull in his heart, as he remembered how her smiles always lit up the room, how her laughter was music to his ears. She was his light. The little chit had gotten under his skin before he even knew it himself. _Hogwarts can't lose such a great _mind, he thought, _I can't let her go…I won't let her go… I love her too much… wait, did I say love?_

_I can lose everything, but I can't lose her. _

Even though he was a skilled Occlumens, it only took that one tiny moment of weakness for Voldemort to zoom in on his thoughts.

"Have feelings for the Mudblood, eh, Severus?" he hissed, red eyes glowing.

"No, my Lord," Severus said, bowing low.

"Don't lie to me, boy. Crucio!" That left Severus writhing in pain on the ground, gritting his teeth so that he wouldn't scream out in pain. He didn't take the potion because it would be idiotic to show Voldemort that he had developed a potion which would fight the Cruciatus curse.

"Ah, Lucius. Take Nott and Goyle with you and get rid of that Mudblood and her Muggle parents. Best to be rid of her now, otherwise she'd be another thorn in my side, just like Potter."

For once Severus Snape's eyes showed the emotions he worked hard to keep from the rest of the world – and especially Voldemort. Worry…Concern…Anguish…but most noticeably Love – love for a certain bushy haired girl.

Lucius Malfoy just smirked down at him and disapparated with the two others. Voldemort then resumed casting the Crucio until Severus thought he might as well Avada Kedavra himself.

Finally, Voldemort decided that it had lost its fun and the rest of the Deatheaters were dismissed. Severus painstaking fetched his wand out of his robes and used the portkey that Albus had set up that the other end of his wand, and felt himself being pulled through.

-sssss-sssss-

The next time he woke up was at the infirmary where he first saw Dumbledore twinkling down at him much to his annoyance.

"Ah, Severus! Glad you have decided to join us in the land of consciousness."

Severus just grunted. "How long have I been out?"

"One week."

It was then that the infirmary doors banged open, the curtains were pushed open by none other than the bushy storm cloud of know-it-all Granger. She had zoomed in on him and before he knew it, she was pummeling his chest with her small fists clenched tight and sobbing at the same time.

sniff

"Why didn't you save them?"

sniff

"Why, Severus? You knew, didn't you?"

"Why didn't you save me?"

After a while, she slowly stopped, instead choosing to clutch onto his shirt and sobbing less loudly. Dumbledore came to stand next to her and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Miss Granger, I'm very sorry for your loss. But you see, there was no way that Professor Snape could get to you on time. Voldemort ordered Lucius Malfoy, Theodore Nott and Gregory Goyle Sr. to go to your parent's summerhouse. He was in the middle of casting Crucio on Professor Snape and he did so until Professor Snape nearly died."

She looked at his hands – his pale, elegant hands – were still shaking from the aftermath of Cruciatus. His face was also ghostly pale.

Her heart went out to him. "Oh, Professor Snape…" She leaned onto his form on the bed, except this time, she wrapped her arms around him with her head tucked under his chin. One of his arms slowly came around to hold her around the waist while the other stroked her bushy hair, murmuring at the same time, "I'm so sorry…things will get better…I'm sorry… didn't have time…would have blown cover…Crucio…I don't want to lose you…please don't leave me…Hermione…"

Dumbledore quietly remarked, "I think we'll let him sleep some more, he's lucky no serious damage has been done. You can come back later to see him, Hermione."

She was a bit shocked that he had actually said her first name instead of his customary 'Miss Granger'. She thought of how different it sounded when spoken by him compared to others like Harry or Ron. She reluctantly released the death grip in which she had clung to his body, easing herself slowly from his embrace, she brushed her lips on his forehead whispering, "Sleep well, Severus."

He was told afterwards that she had only escaped because she was out at the local library with her cousin.

The remainder of her 7th year passed by quickly. The Final Battle took place the day after New Years. The-Boy-Who-Lived (he'd secretly thought of the Potter boy as The-Boy-Who-Gets-Into-The-Most-Trouble-Without-Being-Punished) had reduced He-Who-Was-Finally-Dying into a pile of ashes. One of the highlights (if you could call it that) was the Victory Feast that the old coot Dumbledore had immense delight in organizing. The other highlight was receiving the Order of Merlin, First Class along with the Golden Trio.

Finally, the Leaving Feast came upon them. Normally, he thought he'd be jumping in glee that the Golden Trio was finally leaving Hogwarts and that he could then have a peaceful life. But no, he found himself thinking that he'd miss them. _Especially the brainy one_. This unfamiliar emotion felt somewhat similar to sadness and loneliness.

They were all wearing their graduation hats and robes, walking onto the podium to collect their diplomas as their names were called out and then to shake the hands of the long line of professors. He was waiting for her name to be called out. Her hair was tamed today, flowing in chestnut waves. Her Head Girl badge was pinned proudly onto her robes.

He was the last in line. When she had reached him, her smile turned even brighter, her eyes shining with joy and pride. He had clasped her hand in his, pulling her closer and bent slightly down to whisper in her ears, "I'm proud of you, Hermione Granger." She then tilted her head up and beamed at him, "Thank you, Professor Snape."

A feeling of happiness was fighting to burst from his heart.

He had allowed her a small smile.

_Through the summer and the fall,  
We had each other that was all,  
Just she and I together like it was meant to be._

The summer after her graduation found both of them either brewing potions or reading in front of the fireplace. He would usually sit in his well-worn armchair, reading newly published potions journal articles while she'd curl up with a book on the carpet and leaning against his legs and occasionally would put her head in his lap before dozing off.

He'd absentmindedly stroke her bushy hair with his long pale fingers and she'd unconsciously sigh in contentment.

Then first term at the University of Beauxbatons started. He had expected that she'd be gone and never come back. But he was wrong. She nearly spent every weekend at Hogwarts – either in his sitting room doing her homework or in the Library pouring over new books.

That was her routine every Friday night. She'd bound in just before dinner and sit next to him at the Head Table. The meddling old fool, for some unknown reason, decided that she should sit next to him instead of her former Head of House. He gloated in McGonagall's face about this whenever she irritated him with her incessant worrying over his health - just to see her raise to the bait, hmph indignantly and stop nagging about taking better care of himself.

After dinner, he would mark essays – his red quill scratching furiously on parchments, making scathing comments on some incompetent student's essay. She would have her books and parchments spread all around her on the carpet in front of the fireplace, her quill sometimes sticking in her hair or beside her ear while she concentrated on a text. Sometimes he'd just tease her and said that she has effectively surrounded herself in a war zone. Hmph-ing in return, she'd usually stick her tongue out at him when she couldn't think of anything to say back.

On Sunday night, after dinner and a game of chess, he'd walk her to the apparition point outside Hogwarts. Every time she would stand on her tiptoes and lightly brush her lips against his and then she'd beam up at him and say, "See you in five days!"

Then she'd be gone. Until the next Friday.

_And when she was lonely,  
I was there to comfort her,  
And I knew that she loved me._

She didn't have any best friends at Beauxbatons. Oh, there were many friends, just none as close as Harry and Ron had been. He had been surprised when he heard from Dumbledore that Potter and Weasley gotten jobs as Unspeakables. Severus and Hermione spent every weekend and holiday together – either at Hogwarts or at her dorm in Beauxbatons. The staff (and even some of her friends at Beauxbatons) noticed that they both seemed happier when they were together than with other people. Of course, he just sneered at anyone whenever they mentioned anything like this. It just wouldn't do for the most feared Potions master to show emotions in public.

The first time he arrived at Beauxbatons, she acted as if she couldn't survive without him. She murmured over and over again, "Please stay here… don't go… it feels so lonely…everyone's got someone with them. I never thought I'd get so emotional about this… but it seems like everyone's going out with someone, Harry and Ron… even Neville! Just stay here and hold me please… please don't go…"

He just sighed, his hand smoothing her hair just like when he was recovering in the infirmary at Hogwarts. His voice was quiet, so that only she could hear, "I'll always be here whenever you need me."

_So the years went,  
But I stayed the same.  
But she began to drift away,  
I was left alone.  
But still I waited for the day,  
When she'd say I will always love you._

After that episode, it seemed that things started to change. As she progressed into her second year at Beauxbatons, she made more friends. More boys than girls, he was loathe to admit. There was one boy who was closer to her than the rest of her friends, although he'd have to say that it still wasn't as close as it was with Harry or Ron. At least the boy had some intelligence in his brain and according to Hermione, was quite a whiz at Potions. It seems that she had finally realized that there is more to life than books and grades. Partying around Beauxbatons was not an unusual thing and she went more and more without her grades dropping one bit.

Still, he felt something unpleasant rising into his mouth.

That boy was sure good looking to say the least. Besides, who'd want an old, wasted man like him? Granted, he was only 40, but she had just turned 20.

He couldn't help noticing that she was starting to come to Hogwarts less and less.

_Lonely and forgotten,  
I never thought she'd look my way.  
When she smiled at me  
And held me,  
Just like she used to do.  
Like she loved me,  
When she loved me._

Since her second year, their contact had dwindled. He had found himself drinking more and more, thinking about her school days and even her first year at University.

Even though the end of the war had left him a war hero and not a Deatheater, he was still amazed when he started to receive fan mail by the hundreds from witches from everywhere, not that he gave any hoot about that. He also realized that the Potter boy truly didn't want the limelight in his face. Along with fan mail came witches fawning over him (he still hadn't figured out why), and while some of them hadsome amount of intelligence, there were some whom he'd prefer teaching Longbottom again than to even consider associating with them.

The end of the war had changed him somewhat. The nightmares had lessened, although only by a little bit, but he was able to sleep more, without having to stay alert 24/7. But he had been a spy for too long, and old habits are just too hard to shake off. He still billowed in his robes and sneered at idiotic dunderheads and the twinkling old badger. He had started to eat more, his face less sallow, taking on a healthier glow than his usual pale pallor.

In the time following, when he was given more looks from the slightly more beautiful and intelligent group of the female species, he still had not even considered a relationship with anyone of them.

They didn't meet up with his standards.

They couldn't match up to her.

After that long 'separation', the next time he saw her was at the wedding of his godson. The previous Slytherin Prince had decided to tie the knot with the youngest Weasley, much to the displeasure and horror of his father, who was rotting away in Azkaban. Draco Malfoy did a 180-degree turnabout just before his initiation as a Deatheater into Voldemort's circle and chose to become as spy like him, providing the Order of Phoenix with information that sometimes he himself was not privy to.

His godson had asked him to be his best man, which he had somewhat reluctantly agreed to. Well, that was before he knew that she was going to be maid of honour for Ginny Weasley.

He couldn't go to the rehearsal dinner due to a Potions masters' conference in Germany. So the first time he saw her was when she walked down the aisle before Miss Weasley, looking like an angel from heaven in a lovely pale blue gown.

Then she saw him standing next to Draco.

She smiled at him.

-sssss-sssss-

After that, things went smoothly. Of course you'd have to discount the not-so-discreet pushing that nearly everybody participated in. He had suspected that the newlywed Malfoys were the mastermind of the whole scheme, not that he particularly cared now that he had what he'd always wanted. Her.

They had started spending more and more time together again. He took her to France, Italy, Spain – wining and dining – not to mention the numerous trips to libraries and museums. The night before they were due to return – him to Hogwarts and her to Beauxbatons for her last year of study – he proposed to her on a private yacht.

She had said yes even before he had even finished. Beaming her special smile for him and teased, "Why, I thought you'd never ask, Professor Snape."

The ring – a platinum band with diamonds on either side of the emerald in the centre. It had fitted her finger perfectly, without the ring having to magically resize. The inscription inside wrote, "_You are the light to my darkness. I'll always love you._"

-sssss-sssss-

_When somebody loved me,  
Everything was beautiful,  
Every hour we spent together,  
Lives within my heart,  
When she loved me._

A young brown haired woman with a small bundle in her arms walked towards him. When she reached him, she used one of her hands to massage his shoulders, working out the knot. He sighed.

She looked at the baby in her arms. The soft brown hairs were already starting to curl at the ends. Big, warm, brown eyes stared back up at her in awe. She sighed.

"She looks so much like Mum."

"Yes, little Isabella reminds me of your mother."

"I miss her so much."

"I do too, pumpkin."

Yes, the years following the wedding had been good to Hermione and Severus. They had two daughters and two sons – Harmony, Amelia, Salazar and Darius. Harmony had gotten married a year ago to Marcus Malfoy, and was now holding a 10-month-old baby girl in her arms.

"What are you reading, Dad?"

"This," he said, holding up a long piece of parchment, with writings on it that undoubtedly belonged to the silly know-it-all that he had married.

_When she loved me._

The music from the magic hi-fi system slowly faded away.

The letter was from his beloved – the mother of his children. She had written it before it happened… afterwards he had thought that maybe she foresaw it.

It had happened when Harmony and Salazar were in their 6th year at Hogwarts with Amelia in her 3rd year and Darius had just started his 1st year.

Lucius Malfoy had somehow gotten out of Azkaban and he had headed straight for the traitor and his Muggle-born wife. He had kidnapped her from the Snape Manor and sent owls to Snape with magic photos of Hermione being Crucio-ed. Taunting him. Torturing him. Knowing that Snape would go crazy knowing that his beloved wife was hurt.

As he Crucio-ed her, he aimed his newly acquired wand at her in bitterness – for sending him to Azkaban and for Severus Snape's betrayal of the Dark Lord. And at last, he cast the Killing Curse.

Not long afterwards, Malfoy was caught by Snape himself with Dumbledore and the Aurors. If Dumbledore hadn't restrained Snape, he was sure that he would have killed Lucius with his bare hands.

Severus Snape sighed. Thinking back to those days always brought a heavy weight on his heart. He looked at the piece of well-worn parchment again – it had been read many times over the years.

_My Dearest Severus,_

_If you are reading this letter, I know that I am not by your side. My beloved, I have loved you since you bravely showed the Mark to Fudge. My respect for you had increased since my first year at Hogwarts, even though you were still favoring your precious Slytherins and always deducting points from Gryffindor at every possible chance. You risked your life for those whom you didn't even like. Being a spy between the two greatest wizards in history is not an easy task. I'd say you have more Gryffindor qualities than you'd most likely admit. _

_I first realized I had fallen in love with you when we worked on that potion in my sixth year. The times when we just sat and read in front of the fire and mixing potions and arguing about toilet seats (by the way, what is it with us and bathroom related things?) all affirmed my feelings for you. You are my other half. My soul mate._

_I have written this letter just in case I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to you. Please live and move on, if not for yourself, then for me. Take care of our lovely children, I know you love them as much as I do. _

_Remember my love, I'll always love you whether we are together or apart._

_Love Forever and Always,_

_Your insufferable know-it-all Hermione._

A tear slid quietly from the corner of his eyes.

_She loves me._

He folded up the parchment again and put it back to its special place in his locked box.

_And I'll always love you too, Hermione._


End file.
